DEARLITTLEDOCTOR #3

    Patients are humans who have emotions and vulnerabilities. They put their trust in doctors to help them relieve their suffering. A lot of the time, patients are overwhelmed with their state. Their mood is lower than usual, and their feelings are more sensitive than usual. Very commonly we see doctors neglecting this side of the patient while putting their whole energy and attention to managing the disease. Doctors must remember that patients are human before they are anything else. Patients will feel, and they will remember. They understand the unspoken cues from a doctor’s body language, and most importantly, they earn respect for autonomy, as well as the right to have their information kept confidential.

    But the thing is, I repeat, a patient is a human too.

    With this being said, I also mean that some of them are intentionally mean, ungrateful, and disrespectful of the doctors regardless of how well they were treated. Having the duty of care towards them does not give us much choice other than to care and manage them the best that we can. It is our responsibility to keep them safe. Our job is to treat their condition and wish that whatever we work for, works on them and can provide them comfort.

    Today I was treated disrespectfully by an elderly male patient. It is indeed a rare occasion, as most patients are very respectful of doctors (and medical students). The disrespect was too sudden, I needed time to process whether he was intentionally doing it, or whether he was just upset and overwhelmed by the fact that we were interrupting his rest. I even thought of the possibility that he might have an undiagnosed psychiatric condition. For a moment, I acted like nothing happened although the people around me seeing it happened were already making noises, being all protective over me. It took me about one minute to carefully end my interaction with him. His daughter beside the bed said sorry to me, with a sense of guilt and regret of her father’s action. I told her “It’s okay, I understand,” (as in, I understand that I may have been making him feel uncomfortable from the physical examination). I think I said that because it's my default reaction. I am unfortunately (or fortunately?) someone who processes my emotions a bit later and feels like it’s easier to act ignorant and tolerating, to avoid making things more awkward and chaotic (or is it just avoidant people thing? I don't know man).

    The patient?

    He kept quiet. As if he was intentionally doing it to keep me away.

    A lecturer once told us, in my class “There’s no difficult patient, there’s only a patient in difficult situations,”. I hold onto that quote, as I was trying my best to practice empathy because empathy does not come to me automatically like they do to most people. That quote made me believe that it was purposeful and justice to always see patients as someone who we need to care for, and that when they are upset, they are not upset because of us, but rather they are upset of themselves because of the hard time they’re going through at that moment.

    Unfortunately, today, reality teaches me otherwise.

    Difficult patients exist, and apart from just caring for them, you need to know how to ignore them. The amount of energy that will drain from trying to force yourself to pretend to be kind is not worth it. I mean, be kind. But understand that your boundaries include mutual respect and whenever someone crosses that, you cannot pretend you don’t see the elephant in the room, just for the sake of not wanting to make things awkward.

    After addressing the elephant, only then you can be unbothered and unfazed. No one should waste their energy trying to figure out why and how a person can show an act of disrespect. Because I am telling you, the limit of disrespect can be unimaginable.

    Trying to justify why a person can do that, is definitely a waste of time. We certainly don't need a reason from them, to forgive and be kind in return. 

ٱدْعُ إِلَىٰ سَبِيلِ رَبِّكَ بِٱلْحِكْمَةِ وَٱلْمَوْعِظَةِ ٱلْحَسَنَةِ ۖ وَجَـٰدِلْهُم بِٱلَّتِى هِىَ أَحْسَنُ ۚ 

إِنَّ رَبَّكَ هُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِمَن ضَلَّ عَن سَبِيلِهِۦ ۖ وَهُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِٱلْمُهْتَدِينَ ١٢٥

Serulah ke jalan Tuhanmu (wahai Muhammad) dengan hikmat kebijaksanaan dan nasihat pengajaran yang baik, dan berbahaslah dengan mereka (yang engkau serukan itu) dengan cara yang lebih baik; sesungguhnya Tuhanmu Dia lah jua yang lebih mengetahui akan orang yang sesat dari jalanNya, dan Dia lah jua yang lebih mengetahui akan orang-orang yang mendapat hidayah petunjuk (An Nahl : 125)

    Ternyata benarlah bait kata “Manusia melukakan, tuhan menyembuhkan”.

    Moga-moga kita semua tetap tumbuh dan Rahmat dan kasih sayangnya. Moga-moga setiap kebaikan kita, setiap kesabaran kita akan dibalas dengan pahala berlipat ganda. Tidaklah kita melakukan kebaikan melainkan demi meraih redha Allah semata-mata, sekaligus berharap agar Allah sentiasa memelihara keikhlasan di dada ini. 

Aameen, aameen.